The idea
One evening, no series to sign up for
A host brings together a few men, on Zoom or around a living room. The group chooses three questions and talks about them honestly, from their own lives. No news story, case, or person is put on trial. The questions are brought home.
The questions
Nine questions. The group chooses three.
At the beginning of the gathering, participants take a short poll to choose which questions the group spends its time on.
- What do we owe one another as men when another man’s behavior is crossing a line?
- Can I recognize the moment when something is starting to go wrong?
- What responsibility do I have when someone’s ability to choose is compromised?
- What is my responsibility when it isn’t my behavior?
- Why don’t men intervene?
- What does “having his back” actually mean?
- When someone I care about is accused of causing harm, what do I do?
- What would I actually do?
- What could I actually say?
The evening
How the 90 minutes go
- 10 minutesCheck-in and container. Names, how each man is arriving, and shared agreements.
- 5 minutesThe poll. Each man picks three questions. The top three become the evening’s.
- 60 minutesThree questions. About twenty minutes each: a round, then open conversation.
- 15 minutesClosing. What each of us is taking away, and what we may want to practice differently.
- Speak from your own experience. Use “I.” Not men in general, and no other people’s names.
- Leave the news outside. We aren’t here to debate any story or judge anyone’s case.
- Listen before responding. No fixing or advice unless someone asks for it.
- Protect privacy. No recording or screenshots. Leave others’ stories here. The host can’t promise absolute confidentiality, and safety comes first if someone is in danger.
- Anyone can pass. Turn off your camera or step away at any time.
Host it yourself
You don’t need training to host this
You have two jobs: keep time and keep the container. The questions do the rest. Invite four to ten adult men. Friends are a fine place to start.
Host guide · EPUB
Everything for the evening
A short companion to the facilitator manual, written for a host who is learning alongside everyone else.
- The evening at a glance
- Setting up the poll
- Word-for-word script
- A prompt for each question
- When things get hard
- Printable poll sheet
Invitation · Copy and send
Ask a few men
Fill in the details and send it by text, email, or however your friends talk.
WOULD YOU SAY SOMETHING?
Uncomfortable questions about men are being raised. Come sit with other men and talk about them.
We’ll start with a short check-in and set a shared container for the conversation. A short poll will choose three questions to spend our time on. We’ll close by naming what each of us is taking away, and what we may want to practice differently.
One gathering, about 90 minutes. No further commitment.
When:
Where or link:
Hosted by:
Want to keep going after one evening? The eight-week Man Practice series offers the same kind of container with more time to go deeper.